How can faith be blind?

Faith, some people say (including me), has a part that we might all come to that must require us to be 'blind'; that there is a part that cannot be explained or reasoned and thus requires us to call it a 'mystery', because it involves us 'blindly' following Jesus in our pursuit for happiness, peace, love,Truth (?) etcetera. That there is a night so dark that you just have to choose the light. (?) That there is a line that divides light and darkness, and one step beyond the line plunges you into either of the deep deep darkness, or that of the bright bright light. That line, likened to a horizon-- almost illusory, almost delusional, where no reasoning, no discourse, no words, no friends, no family, no one can help you decide. You are on your own, your own mind, your own life. It's a simple 'yes' or 'no'. But (it seems) you'll always choose 'yes'. How else to survive if you chose 'no'?  That is a mystery?

And that is what I find most uncomfortable with. Is this a blind act? A blind faith? That we are forced to choose the light because of the lack of otherwise? (not that I want more options to decide from) If it is so, what kind of decision is that? Is believing in Jesus so 'blind' after all? That it requires us to 'blind' ourselves and take that 'leap of faith'?

But this cannot be it. How can this faith be blind? A blindness that millions of missionaries and saints sacrificed their lives for? Why would Jesus want a group of disciples groping around, be it in light or dark, after him and following Him? Wouldn't he prefer we see clearly of where we are going? That our decisions are based on convictions from the 'sight' we received, rather than being 'forced to' decide? The latter would be cruel, no? Cruel and manipulative in fact!

So I just realised... that faith is not blind just because it has got a mystery aspect to it. Because in the act of struggling to decide, a lot of thought processes go through the mind and much attempt to reckon with the heart is in place too, before it finally ends with the decision of 'yes' to God. That, in its essence, is not blind.

To struggle to decide is to be fully aware, and the final 'yes' is based on the past (moments when you 'see' God) and the future-- the promise of love, joy and peace (like a future set in the past). Remembering a promise for the future. All these act together to solidify the present.
And then,
because of that solidified present,
we can then say 'yes' again and again.
Again and again.
And the sun rises again and again
after each darkness.

Amen.

Last night I questioned the existence of God again. Didn't think I'd come to this day so soon but alas, one can't avoid it when reflection involves recalling so many many things. I guess it really doesn't help when thoughts are deeply enmeshed in myriad of emotions. (Damn the hormones) 

Last night was a fierce battle between faith and pragmatism, believing in what is not seen and heard versus believing in only what is seen, optimism versus cynicism. Raising the same old questions again, the night that threatens to implode unto a state of "par excellence".