Sanguinee

The word "sanguine" has two meanings. One that is of the color red, reflecting vibrance and health, such as "a sanguine complexion" (courtesy of dictionary.com); while the other is that of an adjective equivalent to "cheerful", "optimistic" and "confident".
And then there is the medieval meaning.Y dun i jus copy it down here (from dictionary.com)

Word History: The similarity in form between sanguine, “cheerfully optimistic,” and sanguinary, “bloodthirsty,” may prompt one to wonder how they have come to have such different meanings. The explanation lies in medieval physiology with its notion of the four humors or bodily fluids (blood, bile, phlegm, and black bile). The relative proportions of these fluids was thought to determine a person's temperament. If blood was the predominant humor, one had a ruddy face and a disposition marked by courage, hope, and a readiness to fall in love. Such a temperament was called sanguine, the Middle English ancestor of our word sanguine. The source of the Middle English word was Old French sanguin, itself from Latin sanguineus. Both the Old French and Latin words meant “bloody,” “blood-colored,” Old French sanguin having the sense “sanguine in temperament” as well. Latin sanguineus was in turn derived from sanguis, “blood,” just as English sanguinary is. The English adjective sanguine, first recorded in Middle English before 1350, continues to refer to the cheerfulness and optimism that accompanied a sanguine temperament but no longer has any direct reference to medieval physiology.

And when i put an extra "e" into it, i created a noun out of my own rules. "Sanguinee" becomes my ideal self. A self which is always happy, confident and is bounded by rules of the self; not buying the culture if it doesnt want to.

Yes i made my reference to an "it". why? cos it is afterall an ideal self, and thus never to be achieved. But keepin the ideal self gives me the will to live properly.Circumstances dont always allow us to "not buy the culture",and we cant live without sadness. Its a conundrum isnt it? haha...to think that i used to get so upset over this that i simply could not live properly. It's so funny now that i look at it..and love the way its so paradoxical.Labeling it as a conundrum makes it simple. Fullstop. Dont have to think so much and making it a problem.

Normalize the problem..and then...its not a problem anymore. It's a coping mechanism.

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Learn to see the flowers for what they brought
Feel the raindrops even as they do not touch
Look to the sky as what it promises
And all that perspectives seem easier to see.