Closer

Am listening to "The Blowers daugther" by Damien Rice now. Think its an awful well sung song..alot of pain in it. haha..i'm sadist.. but aren't we all are in some ways or another? Like the times wen we want to feel melancholoic and the times when we dont wana be happy? I guess there's some purpose in these counterintutive behaviours.

There's this strong desire to see what this movie holds ("CLoser").

Sometimes i dont understand why people like to think i'm the kind who gets good grades. This isnt the first time i have to "reveal" my "predicament". Is it the "image" that i present, or is it just me? Where am i getting closer to? I'm trying to put my past behind me; to make it my backdrop while i move towards what i hope would be my last hope.I dont wana keep makin up new hopes la.

I'm starting to want someone to understand me, and i'm afraid that i would cling to anyone close. But i'll never be with anyone till i can understand that person. So i dont want to keep myself guessing like i used to. Sometimes just keepin things simple is the best way to avoid troubles. Yup, i'm avoiding. but wats wrong with that if it protects me? Selfish.

Was reading through the counselling bk wee brothers lent me (o gosh im so thankful for them in a way) and it was mentioning how problems should not be treated as pathological and that normalizing problems would provide a more positive perspectives. Most problems and symptoms have their functions and thus reflect what was to us...inadequate coping mechanisms. A child misbehaving as a way to draw attention from parents, so that parental conflict be kept to its minimum; a wife wantin to be more assertive but remains submissive because thats keeps her husband closer to her. she becomes depressive from that. And a person slitting wrist might be a way to make everyone see the seriousness of the matter; an attention away from more delibitating things?
So wat does my symptoms tell of me? what does yours tell of you? what are these symptoms? Guess.

Or should i say pray?