I know what a blog can do now.It can help me to improve the way i express my intuition, feeelings and random thoughts in words. It's really quite hard to do that, and i find myself writing and deleting, writing and deleting; repetitive cycles that accentuates the boredom and kills my initial want, to say somethin that i thought is worth saying. Cos i cannot write down my thoughts without applying some censorship to them, typical singaporean brought up the "right" way.I kept thinkin of the what-ifs..like what-if this so-and-so person accidently reads my blog and finds out that i had such thinkings about him, what private jokes and reprimands i have of him. Can i imagine the embrassment, or worse the animosity that would have resulted? That's why i delete them all away. It's impossible to say everything here without feeeling queasy about it.

The feeling is just so weird, because the more i say about myself, the further i feel myself drifting from the person. It's not what they always say about self-disclosure, where the bond strengthens as one shares more of oneself with the other.That, i feel, only happens if things takes its pace and develops with God's blessings. I feel myself completely strewn into this huge ocean, the more i try to gather myself together, the more i disperse.The harder i struggle, the deeper i sink, away from the my saviour.And everything would be so comfortable on the surface, but so discomforting in the abyss.
But i'm not saying that i'm this despicable hypocrite.Neither do i think that the person is being fake or snobbish.I'm just sick and tired of showing him that i'm not really that dumb(that's why i gave up along the way), and that i dun desire to disagree with his high-o-mighty opinions. I just find it kinda rude to look down on "fields" that he cant appreciate, and i find it utterly unpleasant that he is trying abit too hard to be in my goodbook's list.Sometimes, you wonder if its the more liberal culture that he experiences in Australia, or was he trying to use that as an excuse. Ok..i think maybe i'm thinking too much, and im exagerating too much on those bad vibes. SO to put things short, he needs a little potion of humility in his veins.
My friend, i got to know him at a birthday "party". Back then i was intrigued with him, cos he was quite self-entertained with his brolly-turned-golf-club toy. At first i thought he had friends with him, but then i realise he was pretty much alone, and knows no one except the birthday boy. And then i kinda pity him cos he was all alone, and the "party" wasnt exactly the most exciting place to be. So i decided to entertain him abit..like u noe..do the normal little frenly chats. His australian slang was pretty hard to catch at times, but on the whole..he was an interesting person.And so i offered to lend him my nus account so that he could surf the net for free when he drops by nus to do his phd work.He gives the same kind of weird comfort as Jared does.Haha..dont get me wrong.I'm not the least bit attracted to him or anyone as yet. I guess i need to know them more before i can judge them fairly.