Had a meeting yesterday w my India Troopers and it was pretty enjoyable.Mariane was hilarious man!haha..and i'd like to think that this time round, everything would be better and the bonds we create would be less complicating then the previous one.

Was on the way home with bugz, annie and zhix, when bug and i started talking about sarah and bang. It's a great pity they cant be in this team together (especially sarah).Bug was quite upset about this matter and i hope i managed to cheer her up with that message of mine.I felt quite bad too myself. But i kept thinkin about it on my way home, and i thought that there's oughta be some reason why we are chosen over the others. And since this project is not for ourselves(at least on my side), we shouldnt be so picky about who we are going with or who's not going with us, and we should live up to that reason(s) we are chosen for.This project is not the end of all things with mizpah, there'll always be another chance if we make the effort.but who's gona be the "we"?

And then there was the irritating part about cblc.Feelin myself gettin more and more disgusted with it, and the desire to flee from it. But i know i cant cos i have my responsibilities to fulfill and besides there's this thing about forgiveness and clarity. Maybe this is how i am guided towards better life management..in terms of time, emotions, patience and capabilities.Sometimes, the greatest challenge is not to forgive anyone per se, but also to understand and question thyself why we need to forgive at all. The preoocupations with forgiving someone would be a selfish act even if you forgive at all. Because in doing so, you see yourself as no rights in the wrongs but deserve all that was right. You call this forgiveness? where's the humility?
But i agree that its not easy to see one's wrongs, when one is so involved with the hurt. Hurt entails all kinds of deprivations, not just the ones that your spouse cheats on you and such stuff. That's why forgiveness is a form of grace, and grace is the truest generosity that i-duno-who-might-have. (God?) And in view of wat i had said earlier on forgiveness-selfishness, u can see tat forgiveness is a tricky business. if threaded on its wrong ends, it creates a self-delusional messiah-complex in oneself.
Nevermind all this and just go on with al that i need to do in my job's prescription. Sounds like medicine eh? That kind that you hate to take most but have no choice but to adhere to. But life is as such that we have to take some bitter medicine..only to hope that it might turn sweet later. Yeah...life isnt that bad really. Sometimes you might even catch a Big Fish!