Easter and the resurrected Love

Someone once asked me before if i had ever loved any guy in my life (discounting the kinship kind) and i remembered distinctly that i had said "no".
But recently i have gained a certain understanding, a gradual ascension to recognise this other dimension of love, and of which i still need to ponder on to seek for its validity and truth.
However, in its minute sense of understanding, i realised that i have loved. A love so true that it was meant to be unconditional.It's failure was a result of incompatibilty or the others' party lack of understanding of true love. But it was love and i have loved. It was only pitiful it was not allowed to grow into its full bloom.
For i remembered, that i had willed myself so much to accept all that was disliked. But i had continued to love these people out of my inconveniences and hurt. I used to frustrate myself as to why i have liked such men as these, with fouled-up discrepancies in character and terrible tempers. Their insecurities and snobbishness, and their self-seeking behaviors such as multi-targetting have hurt me yes. But i continued to care for them and as one was so, it lasted for a year and i did not ask for more all along(although i wished silently back then it were). Until to a certain point, i had to let them go and know that it would be unwise to bug them for more. I had to let them go because i know it would be better for everyone. It always hurt but i saw no point in kickin a big fuss out of it. And so i beared the hurt and beared the normality of behaviours-- i let them go. i let time healed me. Especially so with elmo.
Some people may call this cowardice. but i tell you, sometimes it hurts more to let it go then to fight for it.
For the fighting behaviors were done so before it was let go-- a covert form of fighting that one tries to reconcile with and calm the mind.
(maybe tat is why bosy said i am stronger than i think i am?)

And when i thought no one could love (i used to call it "like") me back as deeply as i did, God sent me an angel that liked me so much that he turned into a childish knack. For his final message was like that from a child with a narrow-mind. But for all his discrepancies, he was this one man that was the nicest out of them all. Even as till now. He was the man who did most, who tried most, who in his simple deeds proved his sincerity. But i could not like him, for i had no true feelings for him. Feelings garnered from the trip could not look beyond his discrepancies, and so it withered and passed away.

O how strange these feelings come and go. How it toys with Man and makes them think they could depend on it. How fallible and strange it chooses its mates to infatuate with.

It was not until recent, that i could see past his discrepancies and care for him as a friend.I am past despising him for his character and actions. And becos of that, i felt so much the desire to say a little prayer for him. A great many thanks and a great many sorrys to go along.

And where the bible said love does not fail, it did not. For if i were to put aside my feelings (my hatred, my anger, my resentment, my likings), i know that i would continue to care for them if they were to seek me for a helping hand or listening ear, i would offer them so.

As it was said once in my "faith formation"---
"You cannot like everybody,
But you can love everybody."

Where "likes" are just a bunch of feelings
and one part of love is tat love itself is an option.
An option that does not come out easily and naturally at times.
For we often "love" only those who are nice (etc) to us but love has to go out of this circle of people. True love is self-giving and it should go beyond that.

O but how difficult it is to do that...
how enduring it can get sometimes
how against our wills it begets us to behave
how easy it is for us to be self-seeking
O how we poor meagre humans can accomplish that?
O you of weak faith.........

"My friend, haven't you caught anything?"---asked Jesus, in John 21:5.