15 May 2005 (Sunday)

Waiting for meeting to start so i decided to write something before i get too tired again later. Nice was today. Talked aplenty with Jenny today about the Lord and all. Getting to know her more =)
Would really miss Jenny again at the end of this project.

I think Michael is an extremely sweet guy. He gave me yet another hibiscus again during dinner. He also tried his best to help me finish my dinner! This trip has brought me closer to Chaiten and Mike. Chaiton is so funny. Both of them so mischevious. I'm gona miss them both.

They tried to scare me today. Chaiten came to tell me that Mike was waiting for me outside in the kitchen. I told them i'm busy washing dishes so to "hold on". And when later mike came by, i asked him again and he said "someone" was waiting for me. I went out and got frightened by Mike! And then Alex, Chaiten, Mike started playing with soot. Applying them on their faces like fake moustach effect. so funny!

Later on, some of us gathered together at the playground and i started telling them ghost stories.Haha..they look quite frightened!

Today i was peeling peas with David. Quite a sweet experience.

Aunt Jenny & i was conserving and we talked about her temper. & she said she was rather short temper person. What made me wonder was how defensive(or did i interpret wrongly) with the fact that she would never do physical infliction to any of the kids. She would do double to the inflictor. It contradicts with whatever she says about the Lord. But i'm aware that i myself is a person filled with ironies; conundrums etc
(ok my english sucks)

So time with Mariane is less tense, less "weird". REally really, i am very disappointed with this friendship. I am aware that i am the one (50% share) letting it go. Don't know why i'm so intolerant or disgusted by things he does.

I'm thinking how i used to respect him so much and how everything is reduced to so little that i do not even wish to be close with him. Am i becoming that bad?
Why? why is it that someone so close to your heart and exemplar is now so low below even yourself. And the converse happens for someone that you are disgusted with. It's sad you know.
But i learn to live by it. I do reflect in ways in which i could be the one who is very wrong but i cant put them into picture. Sometimes he's just too...selfish. What makes it worse is the "false modesty". Nevermind, Let's forget that.

People of this project, they are nice. But people of this project, they dont quite know how to love the children. To love children, you need to close up with them. Its an action of "try". If ever happens that people say that i'm being too "selfish" with the kids, i really dont wana care. cos that was not wat was intended. i dont wana jeopardise my friendship with them just becos of people of this project.
so far so good. i'm glad for the kids.


(I like this: "Be a Master of your petty annoyance and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out- its the grain of sand in your shoe.--- Robert Service)